Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Who am i? פרק א

My dear readers,

I am about to open up to you in a way that I never was able to, never had the strength and never thought that this day will come. But through the help and support from Rabbi Nuchem, through the tireless and diligent help he has given me, through the bravery he has installed in me, it has given me the courage that I never had.

As you will see from this post. I am a heimisher guy from the frum community in Brooklyn. I was molested as a child for a long period of time, and went through hell for quite a while. The least I can do these days, is to help others and educate the public. And let me publicly thank Rabbi Nuchem up front. If not for his dedication and commitment to help a total stranger על מנת שלא לקבל פרס and tireless effort to give me all the encouragement and support to continue with life and civility, I would’ve long be dead or at the least a drug-addicted  homeless man.

So thank you Rabbi Nuchem for saving my life, for saving my kids, for saving my family and for being responsible for generations of yiddisher people. "אשריך", בעולם הזה; "וטוב לך", לעולם הבא I have no doubt in my mind that you will be seating on the head table in the עולם הבא  right next to  אברהם אבינו and all the other sages of our rich history.


The Talmud tells the story of Rabbi Elisha Ben Abuha, a famous scholar who became a non-believer as a result of two incidents that he experienced.

1. Rabbi Elisha was walking one day and he saw a father and son near a tree which contained a bird's nest. The Torah has many laws about not hurting animals needlessly. One of these laws is that if you're about to take an egg from the nest, you must first chase the mother bird away so she doesn't suffer the pain of seeing her egg being taken away. So the father tells the son, "Here's your chance to fulfill this mitzvah. Climb up the tree, shoo away the mother bird, and take the egg." The child climbed up, fell down and died. Rabbi Elisha thought that "if God could allow this to happen, then I don't want to have anything to do with Him."

2. During the Roman persecutions after the destruction of the Second Temple, many of the great Sages were tortured to death in the most horrible ways imaginable. On Yom Kippur and Tisha B'Av, we recall these 10 famous martyrs. One of them was Rabbi Elisha's teacher, Rabbi Chutzpas. Rabbi Elisha watched his beloved teacher's tongue being ripped out by the Romans and tortured to death, after which they did not permit his body to be buried. Rabbi Elisha thought that "if God can allow this to happen, then I don't want to have anything to do with Him."

Rabbi Elisha was one of the greatest Sages in Jewish history, on an extremely high spiritual level. So we don't understand his particular challenge. But as it applies to us, we can learn the following: Even though you may have dealt intellectually with the issue of "why bad things happen to good people," when faced with actual suffering, you can still lose it.

By the way, suffering is the only issue that the Talmud talks about which leads to someone losing their belief in God. This indicates that it is the single most difficult issue in our relationship to God.

People approach the topic of suffering from two separate perspectives. One is the "intellectual agenda:" A person is bothered by this issue and wants to intellectually understand it. The other is the "emotional agenda:" A person may right now be suffering (or know someone who is suffering), and it is bothersome emotionally. It's important to understand that these two agendas don't always coincide. Someone with an intellectual agenda wants answers, whereas someone with an emotional agenda is looking for relief. An approach for one won't work for another.

Myself, I have witnessed the most horrendous situations imaginable. I have experienced someone 17 years old who lost both of her parents in a car crash. Can you imagine a girl so close to her parents and in one day they're gone? I've lived through, a husband coming home to find that his wife has collapsed, and in two days she's dead. There was nothing wrong with her before.

On a more personal level, I was molested as a child for close to three years by the principal of my Yeshiva, and it was extremely painful then, and even worst twenty years later. I now have married children and grown grandchildren, but in my 20s there were days when I was lost, there were days when I was suicidal, there were days when I cursed G-D out loud, there was a period of five years that I was completely angry with G-D, I did not pray, did not eat kosher, did not keep shabbas, ate on Yom Kippur even though I was not hungry and most of all I was totally miserable.

Now, when someone is in the midst of suffering, that's not the time to offer answers, It's a time to listen and empathize and say things that can provide comfort. I did not try to hear any answers I  will be discussing, because when a situation is so emotionally wrenching it's not the time for answers. Rather it's a time to show compassion and empathy and be with the person as best you can. So let me just state in advance that i will only deal with the "intellectual agenda" that I was missing when I had hell on earth. If there's anyone going through a painful time and is looking for a sense of relief, I am skeptical whether these intellectual answers will offer any kind of relief, it did not work for me at that time, and I doubt it will work for you. If you are still at that phase, please contact a counselor, or contact Rabbi Nuchem and he will lead you to a professional and try to give you your life back. DO NOT contact a Rabbi, because it will put you in a depression and will make you feel even worst. I made that mistake a while back, and it almost cost me everything I have worked for


21 comments:

  1. You are lying!!! you said many times in the past that Nuchem don't even know you!!!

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  2. Well let me explain. Rabbi Nuchem did NOT know that I am the author of this site, and I didn’t tell him until very recently who I am. And just for future references, I will always hide “some” true facts about me, in order to not give away my identity for the public. It is a standard procedure to do, and it will never affect the stories or the news I am reporting on. But once again I am great to see you commenting on the real important issue at hand.

    Thank you

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  3. Nuchem has a good agenda. but using wrong tools!!! do I know the tools? NO but I know he is using it wrong... Show me any real Tadikim in last 200 years that used any of those tools?
    besides Nuchem is such a low life. How long do you know him?

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  4. OK here we go; lets have a dialog about him. Lets say R’ Nuchem is the biggest biggest lowlife. So what now? He is a low life that happens to do a good deed now. So let’s say he is doing it for the wrong reasons, because he wants fame and has an agenda blah blah whatever you say. WHO CARES? The fact is he is doing a job that NO ONE else is willing to do!

    If you own a restaurant and people come to your place of business not because they like your food but because there is no other restaurant in town, would you tell them to leave? Or you would be happy to do business with them? WHO CARES why he is doing it? The fact is, he is doing it!

    The question is not show me tzaddikim who used this tools, The bigger question is SHOW ME ANYONE DOING ANYTHING THE LAST 50 YEARS? The answer is NO ONE!! Because they have no guts!

    And for your info! 200 years ago. Many molesters were thrown into the matzoh bakery ovens and vanished for ever. It was a different world then.

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  5. he is restaurant that feeds poison

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  6. Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Ask any victim of molestation INCLUDING MYSELF and you will hear details of how sensitive and respectful he is when it comes to help us out! When it comes to the molesters, then he is poison, wild and dangerous, and thank g-d for that because otherwise nothing would’ve been accomplished.

    Please feel free to tell me any of his poison and I will be more than happy o respond. Don’t just blow hot air!

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  7. COUNT FOR ME HOW MANY SINS ARE TRANSGRESSED BY A MOLESTER VERSUS YOUR POISONOUS LOSHON HORA.

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  8. Not only isn’t there a sin for what i am doing, but it is a “Mitzvah” to do it. You MUST announce and publicize a pedophile, so every one knows to stay away from him. I am sure you would talk differently if you would’ve had a child that was molested. You would’ve wanted the whole world to know about him and to get him out of your area.

    And just for arguments sake. What does one have to do with another? My Loshon Hora is one thing and the great service that Rabbi Nuchem does is a totally separate thing.

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  9. Dear blog owner, this is what a previous guy commented
    Anonymous said...
    COUNT FOR ME HOW MANY SINS ARE TRANSGRESSED BY A MOLESTER VERSUS YOUR POISONOUS LOSHON HORA.

    BINGO! That’s exactly what this NAMBLA guys think “its not that bad to be a molester” its worst to talk Loshon Hora

    How despicable.

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  10. ALOT WORSE TO TALK LOSHON HORA AL CHAIT YOU GOING TO POUND YOUR CHEST YOM KIPPUR 8 OF THEM IS FOR THE USE OF THE FOUL MOUTH OF YOURS, I DONT SEE ANYTHING ABOUT MOLESTERS DO YOU?

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  11. You are making my point much better than i can ever do it. Keep on commenting my friend, you are doing a superb job!

    To the rest of society: This is what we are up against. Empty air heads with no clue at all.

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  12. I'm the person who commented about the genaiva that no is talking about. You let these lunatics on who only talk about loshen hura but not my comment about the thievery???

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  13. A GUT YOM TOV TO YOU ALL MAY THE LORD GIVE US THE RIGHT THOUGHTS, AND MAY WE ALL MERIT THE COMING OF MASHIACH..

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  14. As you see from the comments by the ones who are claiming loshen horah, and I have every reason to believe that they are molestors, that most they are afraid of their names will be publicized. Hence, publicizing is a very very big deterrent. Now, as reb Nochemrosenbeg says, a would be molester thinks 17 times over before committing an act. So, you gain by publicizing, you save an innocent child, and you also save the would be molester. Imagine, if BML would have been publicized, even only 10 years ago, and he would have abstained for fear of bad publicity, not only would you have saved countless teenagers, but he himself and his extended family would have been saved from this stain that will stick with them forever.

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  15. Put Down the F***ing Kool Aide!!!!!September 16, 2010 at 4:10 PM

    Wait a minute - is ANON @12:33 suggesting that loshon hora is a worse offense than molesting a child??

    Mr. Anon, if that is what you are saying WHAT THE F*** is your mental illness? And please go commit yourself immediately!

    If you really think that loshon hora (and here we are specifically discussing turning in a child molester so that he can no longer harm children and exposing those that hide said offender) is worse than harming a child, I HOPE Hashem does not EVER grant you the PRIVILEGE of having children.

    Some people do not deserve to have children. You are one of them.

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  16. Admin, thanks for sharing your story. You are very brave and give koach to the rest of the survivors out here

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  17. i LOVE YOU f* KOOL AIDE LOSHON HORA GOT TO YOU YES i WILL COMMIT MYSELF TO DESTROY ALL THOSE WHO SHAME jEWS IN PUBLIC.AS I ASKED HOW MANY SINS DO YOU COMMIT WHEN YOU MOLEST SOMEONE.. COMPARED TO LOSHON HORA AND SHAMING SOMEONE IN PUBLIC. THE ANSWER IS EARHEAD YOU DONT KNOW BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT ONE OF US FRUM AND EDUCATED JEWS GO BACK TO THE ALAPH BAIS CLASS START FROM SCRATCH MORON.

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  18. 11 Tishrei, 5771 / September 19, 2010


    SEFER CHOFETZ CHAIM



    Day 11 – Common Knowledge





    A derogatory statement is considered loshon hora even when the information is common knowledge for, as stated above, to speak negatively of one’s fellow Jew is shameful in itself.



    Negative information about Jews appearing in newspapers may not be repeated. Newspapers often publish articles based on hearsay and thus, one is not even permitted to believe such information if the newspaper is its only source. Even after one has verified the information, he may nevertheless not repeat it.







    SEFER SHMIRAS HALOSHON

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  19. "THE ANSWER IS EARHEAD"

    huh?

    You call yourself "educated"? WTF is "EARHEAD"?

    You, sir, are quite shameful. When you molest a child you RUIN THEIR LIFE, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically. A part of them dies. Saying someone is a child molester or a protector of child molesters when they ARE is necessary for the safety of others and is NOT loshon hora. I am here to tell you that molesting children is infinitely worse than calling someone out on molesting children. Sorry. YOU ARE WRONG.

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  20. To the prevuios “AIR” head (not EAR head) and commenter,

    1. Who are you to say “US frum people” who are you to decide whom g-d loves and who he doesn’t? DO you think you are better then him because you have longer peayos or a bigger hat? DO you think you are better than he is because you are chssidish and he is not? YOU ARE WORST THAN HIM! Because he speaks up for the kids and you HIDE it! You embrace znus and molestation

    Hashem hates molesters and abusers and you are part of it! You are a disgrace to Judaism, you are a disgrace to yiddishkeit and you are a disgrace to humankind!

    2. Stop repeating the nonsense you talk about loshon hora and the BS you are spewing. THIS IS NOT LOSHON HORO, it’s a MITZVAH to expose molesters! It is a mitzvah to announce these names!

    I think, YOU are the one that needs to go back to kindergarten! And Yom kippur when you go to shul, just ask G-d to forgive you for the chilul hashem you are creating!

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  21. Admin - thanks for translating the previous guy's comment. I'm not fluent in "Stupid" yet.

    ReplyDelete