Saturday, September 4, 2010

Again, Again and again!

I will repeat these statistics until we are all blue in the face. Until we all realize that there is an epidemic in the community and no one wants to admit it. I can hear your responses before you even say it! Nuchem Rosenberg is meshiga, Nuchem Rosenberg is crazy, Nuchem Rosenberg makes up all these facts, nuchem Rosenberg is in isolation.

Ok whatever you say! Are you not willing to take that tiny chance, maybe he is right and maybe for the sake of my child I should listen to these facts? Maybe the rabunim are wrong, and they were trying to protect their names and dignity and that’s why they isolated him? After all the facts and stories, does your kid not deserve at the bare minimum, that you should know the facts? Does your kid not deserve at the bare minimum, that you should give Rabbi Nuchem a chance and hear his message? How come all the victims come to Rabbi Nuchem for help? Why don’t they go to the Rabbis? Why don’t you see a “help center” in our communities? Why did the Rabunim isolated Rabbi Nuchem, when there are such terrible people in the community that deserve isolation? Why was Yechial Brauner that molested and raped close to 4000 kids, not put into Cheirem? Why was B.M. Lebowits who is a convicted child molester, never put into isolation? Why were not people who stole from the community millions of dollars, never put into cheirem? WHY ONLY RABBI NUCHEM?

WHY ONLY RABBI NUCHEM? Is this the worst sin in our community? After all what did he do, He told people that there are molesters in the community! Does that warrant isolation? Does that warrant such a harsh sentence? OF COURSE NOT! Think for a second why they did it, and you will see the hypocrisy that is happening in this community.

The  real reasonthey did it, is TO PROTECT THEMSELVES! To protect their schools, to protect their name in the community and to make sure that YOU as a parent don’t start asking too many questions! Are you that gullible to let them get away with it? Are you that naïve to just leave it up to the people in the schools to protect your kid? Are you that crazy to put your children’s faith into a system that has been looking the other way for 50 years? Does your child not deserve at least an effort on your part to ask questions?

Here are some fact and figures from studies done by Governemnt , schools and doctors. Educate yourself!

Approximately ONE in SIX boys is sexually abused before the age 16. Which means, when you walk into any classroom with 30 kids, there is Approximately FIVE abused kids in that classroom that are being abused.
The numbers are staggering, the facts are mind numbing and the statistics are overwhelmingly shocking. The sexual abuse of male children can lead to a variety of problems and suffering. However most people do not begin to understand the complexity of this issue and have pessimistic beliefs, and think that it is “Overblown”.

The most common effects of people that were molested as a child, are:
• Anger
• Fear
• Homosexuality Issues
• Helplessness
• Isolation and Alienation
• Legitimacy
• Loss
• Masculinity Issues
• Negative Childhood Peer Relations
• Negative Schemas about People
• Negative Schemas about the Self
• Problems with Sexuality
• Self Blame/Guilt
• Shame/Humiliation
• Anxiety
• Depression
• Dissociation
• Hostility and anger
• Impaired relationships
• Low self-esteem
• Sexual dysfunction
• Sleep disturbance
• Suicidal ideas and behavior

Sexual abuse effects on children and youth can be evident in emotional, physical and behavioral ways. These effects can be just as devastating whether there was only one occurrence or there were repeated occurrences. Sexual abuse cannot be compared, because each abuse experience is unique.

Children are vulnerable to sexual abuse because of their age, size and innocence. When a child or youth is molested, she/he learns that adults cannot be trusted for care and protection: well-being is disregarded, and there is a lack of support and protection. These lead to grief, depression, extreme dependency, inability to judge trustworthiness in others, mistrust, anger and hostility. And as if all that isn't enough, children's bodies often respond to the sexual abuse, bringing on shame and guilt.
Children/youth are unable to protect themselves and stop the abuse.
Children/youth are susceptible to force.
Children/youth are susceptible to the use of trickery by offenders.
Often times, children/youth have no control over their own bodies.
All too often, children/youth are unable to make others believe them.

FACT: 36% of sexually abused children will display few or no symptoms until later in life.(Oates, O'Toole, Lynch, Stern & Cooney, 19941).

Why do some victims display a multitude of emotional and behavioural effects, while others display few or none? In spite of few or no outward symptoms, child and youth victims do suffer emotionally. These emotional effects come in varying degrees, depending on the following six factors:

The nature of the relationship between the victim and the offender: the closer the emotional relationship, the greater the emotional trauma.

The age of the child when the abuse began and the duration of the sexual relationship: an ongoing sexual relationship with repeated contacts is generally more traumatic and usually produces more sexual abuse effects than a single contact.

The type of sexual activity the victim is exposed to: sexual acts involving strictly non-contact sexual abuse appears less traumatic than sexual acts that involve contact. It is important to note, however, that trauma and the sexual abuse effects are still very real when any type of sexual abuse occurs.
The degree of physical aggression directed at the victim: violence adds to the trauma of the abuse. Being physically abused, having a mother who is mentally ill, not having someone to confide in, and being socially isolated are significant predictors for childhood sexual abuse (Fleming, Mullen & Bammer, 19972).

The response the victim receives when she/he discloses the abuse: healing is apparent when a disclosure is met with compassion and is followed with effective intervention; if the victim is met with skepticism and accusations, anger, or no response at all when she/he discloses, the sexual abuse effects are compounded.

The availability of a supportive person in the victim's life: a caring, loving, nurturing, and listening person in the victim's life lessens the trauma; a lack of a supportive person intensifies the abuse and leaves the victim feeling even more lonely, helpless, and unworthy.
FACT: 17% of abused children exhibit age inappropriate sexual behaviour (Trocme & Wolfe, 2001, p.283).
FACT: Of the sexual abuse effects exhibited, sexualized behaviour is the most consistent indicator of sexual abuse (Cavanagh Johnson et. al., 1995, pp.50-514).
FACT: 14% of abused children exhibit behaviour problems (Trocme & Wolfe, 2001, p.285).
FACT: 29% of abuse children exhibit depression or anxiety (Trocme & Wolfe, 2001, p.286).
FACT: 13% of abused children exhibit negative peer involvement (Trocme & Wolfe, 2001, p.287).
FACT: 85% of runaways  have been sexually abused (Conference on Child Victimization & Child Offending, 20008).
FACT: According to the Conference on Child Victimization & Child Offending (200010), sexual abuse effects on children with a history of molestation reflect that they are seven times more likely to become drug/alcohol dependent
FACT: In a sexual abuse effects study of 938 adolescents admitted to residential, therapeutic communities for the treatment of substance abuse and related disorders, 64% of the boys reported histories of sexual abuse (Hawke, Jainchill, & DeLeon, 2000, pp.35-4711).
FACT: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is one of the sexual abuse effects that plague sexually abused children and adult survivors of child abuse. Symptoms experienced are similar to those experienced by Vietnam veterans and may include sleep disturbances, anxiety and depression, which negatively impact on their daily psychosocial functioning and for which many seek professional help (Wiehe, 1998, p.5012).
FACT: Studies done by Haywood, Kravitz, Wasyliw, Goldberg and Cavanaugh in 1996 reflect some disturbing sexual abuse effects. The study found that the odds of becoming a child molester were 5.43 times greater for adult male victims of childhood sexual abuse than for adult male non-victims (Lee, Jackson, Pattison, & Ward, 2002, p.8814).
FACT: Children with a history of sexual molestation are ten times more likely to attempt suicide (Conference on Child Victimization & Child Offending, 200015).

I can go on with facts and facts all night long and never finish. I am here to try to open your eyes, give your kid a fighting chance of surviving these hard and terrible odds against them. But if you are not willing at least to look into it and question your school, and get parents involved and STOP being so paranoid on what kind of shidduch you will do, and instead concentrate on the welfare of your child. That will be the only way, he will have a chance at a normal life.

Do you think that most of the problems in our community are not related to molestation? Don’t fool yourself; it has a direct connection to it! And innocent people are paying a hefty price for the hush hush that has been happening in our community for years. They are paying a price for being an innocent little boy and their parents didn’t bother to check the facts and give them a fighting chance!


The Torah has already thought us on how to deal with a molester, and gave the harshest sentences for them compared to any other crime. They received punishments on the same level as a murderer. And that’s because they are just as bad as a murderer, and worse!


  1. These articles are eye-openers. I am starting to see what R’ Nuchum is all about. And I take it upon myself to start doing something. Thank you for your effort to educate us and not stopping to ask for action

  2. Good points all around and the more I think about it, the more questions I have. Whenever I used to read these kinds of facts and articles I just said “not in my house” I am starting to think, I better make sure and do something about it

  3. משתתף בצערן של ישראלSeptember 5, 2010 at 1:47 PM

    You can say:

    כי אין בית אשר אין שם מת