Monday, September 20, 2010
Painful memories ALL OVER AGAIN!
In a previous post (who am I - part 3) I gathered all my energy and my pain and gathered all the courage I have and revealed the name of the man who abused me when I was a 8 year old child. I was thinking long and hard if I should do it or not, since he is not alive anymore, but after consulting my therapist he felt that I should go ahead and do it, open up and get it off my chest.
I was relieved after I did it and I felt like a took another step towards healing and I was very proud of myself, and it made me feel like: Mr. Braver, I won after all! You abused me then, but I am over you and I have the courage to move on, and not be the victim!
That feeling though lasted a mere five minutes. Because five minutes after I posted it, I got the following comment!
To NuchemISright said...
Manny Manny of his Talmidim complaint of him being very strict!!!! NOBODY and Again NOBODY claimed any of this action on "R’ Chaim Aryeh Braver”
NuchemISright did he do it in public ? can you prove it with any other talmid? I think you are lying.
After I read that comment, I felt a weakness take over my body and had a flashback to my youth, it gave me that sinking feeling that I had when I gathered all my courage at the young age of 9-10 years and tried to report it to the principal, and I got smacked for talking “Nonsense”!
I came home last night and showed it to my wife, and I was sick to my stomach! I could not eat supper; I could not build the sukkah! I did not WANT to build the sukkah! And all I want to say to that commenter is you took away with one comment, 20 years of work I did! 20 years of “moving forward” was gone in one second! Somehow I felt like it was my fault all over again! I felt like its me that did something wrong here, its me that is responsible for this, its me that is the bad person here.
But I got something I want to tell you. I know what happened, and I know what he did to me. And not even YOU will take that away from me! I worked too hard to get here; I came over too many hurdles in my life that you should be able to ruin it all! You got me down for 12 hours, but I am standing back up again and I will move forward and fight animals like you and your like.
How dare you tell me I am lying? Where do you come across to make that statement and tell me that it didn’t happen? I remember vividly how he rubbed his private parts on my flesh, how he made me touch him UNTIL COMPLETION! How he smacked me after wards claiming that he does it for my good, to make me a “good Jew”! How dare you make a comment like that? You are just as bad as he is!
I want everyone to pay close attention to this comment. This is what your kids are up against! They come and tell someone that they were inappropriately touched or molested, and the first thing they hear is YOU ARE LYING! Now think for a second and put yourself into a 10 year-olds shoes. How do you think he feels! How does he have a chance to every ever stand up when he is molested or abused! A 10-year old gathers all the courage he can possibly have, he is scared out of his mind, he probably tried to cry out 20 times and chickened out and finally he takes everything he has and does what’s necessary and what does he hear? YOU ARE LYING!
This boy is ruined for life! This boy will never be able to stand up for anything! This boy will never ever trust a human being in his life! And this boy will most-likely end up on drugs and these lowlifes will label him a “Sheigatz” and they don’t realize that they are the one to blame! They are the one that didn’t listen to him and put him through hell in the first place.
You just saw a perfect example of this vicious cycle! You just saw a perfect sequence on how our community works! You just saw the ruining of a human in front of your eyes.
How much longer do we have to be in this corrupt cycle? How much longer before each and every one of you wakes up and sees the hypocrisy in our system? How much longer before you give these little children a voice and a helping hand to have a chance in this world? How much longer are you willing to cover up for the Rabbis that do NOTHING in our community but cover up all the filth? How much longer before you say “Thank you” Rabbi nuchem for speaking up for us! How many more children need to be molested and ruined for life before all of you will wake up and see whats happening here? Why is it that I even need to ask you that? You should be jumping out of your skin and do everything possible to protect your children! What is wrong with you guys? What will it take?