Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Before and after

What is a parent’s priority for their children? What makes one a good parent?  Are you a good parent? Does your kid think you are a good parent? Do you care if you are a good parent? Can a rich father be a poor parent? Can a poor father be a rich parent?

“I live for my kids” – “My kids come first” – “I am sticking it out for my kids” “It’s all about my children”. These are quotes you hear from parents, all the time. All the work, effort and sweat a father and mother put in every single day is all about the children. Some marriages are only in existence “because” of the children. Furthermore, you will very often hear a father in shul saying, “If a Rabbi would ever ever touch my child, I will kill him”, “I will go to jail for life for my child”

The above statement and quotes are all very nice, very emotional and I am sure, when the father says it, he really means it! However, actions speak louder than w ords! And unless you are willing to back up what you say, it means nothing!

From the bottom of my heart, I believe every single father when they proclaim their love to their children! I truly believe him when he says he will go to jail for his son! I honestly believe him when he declares a death sentence on the man that molests his child! But let’s take a look at reality. The facts are that ONE OUT OF SIX BOYS are molested. Do you think that one out of six parents don’t love their child? Do you think that the children that are molested are only from broken homes? Do you think that it can’t happen to your child?

Let’s take it to the next step. Most families in our community are somewhere between 4 and 8 kids. Which translates into one of your children is being molested, or has a 99% chance of being molested. And these are not facts by Rabbi Nuchem Rosenberg, these are facts by the US government (some claim that these numbers are way off and the actual numbers are ONE OUT OF FOUR).

So, you have now two options. 1. You can continue reading this article and get away from your computer and convince yourself that I am not talking to you. I am talking to your neighbor and your cousins, but it won’t happen by me. Or, 2. You can start doing something about it.

However, if you choose option one and just convinced yourself that I was not talking to you? Do me one favor! Don’t ever say “If a Rabbi would ever ever touch my child, I will kill him”, “I will go to jail for life for my child”. Because you don’t really mean it, because if you did, you would’ve at least given it some effort and checked it out.  

Are you telling me that after he is molested you are willing to go to jail for him, but before he is molested you are not willing to go up to his school and check the environment?  After he is molested you are willing to go down for murder in order to show love for your little boy, but before he is molested he doesn’t deserve 10 minutes of love that you should request his school does a background check on rabbis and have a video camera in there?  And you are trying to convince me that you LOVE your child?  What kind of love is that? This is like buying life insurance after you die. No one will offer you a policy!

Nuchem Rosenberg is sick and bad and crazy and everything you can imagine. Fine we established that. But where are you? Where are your responsibilities as a parent?

I met this father last week and he told me “I pay enough for the schools that they should protect my child” I almost puked! That is comparable to saying I will not put a camera in my store by the cashier, because I pay them enough money that they should be honest. What kind of nonsense is that? What kind of love is that to your child?

If you are one of the fathers that was angry with Mr. Rubenstein for speaking up to the court in front of his child and showing him love?  Then you have no right in saying “I will go to jail for life for my child”. Because you don’t really mean it, because if you did, you would understand the pain this man had. Why are you willing to kill your childs molester and he doesn’t deserve the right to address his pain and agony in the court. And furthermore, this was not an accusation, this was after he was a CONVICTED MOLESTER!  

There are another two heart-breaking statistic from the Dept. of education. 1. Close to 80% of children that were molested, never tell anyone about it (even a parent). 2. 90% of children that are molested know their molesters (i.e. cousin, uncle, teacher, etc.) In other words, chances are that if your child is molested, you will never know, and the molester is one of your best friends or someone you dance with at chasunas.

And you still think I am talking to your neighbor and not to you!


  1. Reb Nochem wrote in his blog that KJ has hidden cameras in the classrooms in Talmid Torah. A parent in KJ told me about a year ago, a melamed in KJ was suspicious of molesting, they installed hidden cameras in his class, was caught and dismissed. He told me he knows this from a reliable source. If true then kudos to them. Just as parents today make big agitation with the principals against beating their children, they have to make their voices heard, with no pause, to the hanhuleh (office of the principal), WE WANT OUR CHILDREN SAFE FROM SEXUAL ABUSE. Mothers, fathers, take the few minutes, do it, speak up. This has a very big effect.

  2. Great and strong points. But many children that are molested, is because they don't have love at home..
    So first thing is Love your children, and be REAL close to them..

  3. Magnificent article! You talk from the heart and you make a lot of sense. I have become a big fan, and check your blog once or twice a day.

    Keep it up and do not ever back down. The mainstream of the people are with you and you speak for them and represent them, and I am one of them, and I sat down and thought about your article and I got light headed knowing that you spoke directly to me

  4. all parents have the responsibilty to keep their children safe, not to depend on someone else to do so.

    teach your children the difference between good touch and bad touch. tell them that no one is permitted to touch them. take an interest in your child and who they hang out with - children and adults. have open communication with your kids so they know they can come to you with anything. tell your children that they shouldn't keep secrets even if some threatens them.

    prevention and arming your children with information is THE ONLY way to protect them against those that want to harm them

  5. Great post. Keep up the good work.

  6. "But many children that are molested, is because they don't have love at home."
    The above sentence written by Anonymous (Oct 5, 2:10 PM) has got to be one of the stupidest sentences I have ever read. I almost barfed.

  7. Thank you anon:12:25. I wanted to say the same as you to that stupid guy, but I waited for someone else to say it. I guess this guy is from the other blog who comes here regularly to throw stink bombs. Just to see the crazy people we are dealing with.

  8. in north miami beach
    in north miami beach the rosh kolel shmeltzer was removed from his job as principal of talmudic academy after there were complaints he groped boys while wrestling so he became a rosh kolel

    in north miami beach a 7 y/o girl was fondled in a young israel and the rabbi refused to hand over the video tapes that would prove the accused was there if it wasnt for the mother filing a police report nothing would have happened

  9. I guess you guys didn't understand what this guy was taking about, because he didn't explain it well...
    The point is.. If you really love your children at home, and you are REAL close to them, you will automatically go to the school a few times during the year, and be in touch with his rebbe, and teacher, 1) They (or even anybody that know you)will stay away from touching them etc. and 2). if you are REAL close to your children, you can and will have a constant open dialog about their entire child livelihood.
    98% of dropout children are from broken homes, and unloved parenthood.
    check it out.

  10. Let me add, that it is not that these kids don't have love at home. It is the molesters that tell these kids that their parents don't love them (how convenient, so the kid won't tell on them). However there are some isolated cases where parents molest their own kids, I now of several such cases. What will this idiot say? Who didn't love these kids that their own fathers molest them? People wake up.

  11. Very powerful post indeed. You defenitly know how to light a fire in a fathers heart