Monday, July 4, 2011

Long Term Effect

I am still numb, shocked and in total disbelief and I am pinching myself trying to figure out if it was a dream or was it real.

I just finished a forty-five-minute interview with the founders of and I am still dizzy to say the least. I thought I have seen it all, I thought I have heard it all, and I was sure nothing in the world will ever shock me again, but of course I was wrong.

You are probably wondering, why am I giving them exposure? Why am I mentioning them here? Why did I even interview them? Well, you probably guessed it! These three individuals have the one thing in common. They are not the same age group, they are not from the same chassidus, they are not living in the same areas and they are not even the same type of people to be friendly with each other, but they have that one terrible thing in common, they were all abused by their Rabbi (teacher) at different years, different eras, different schools but the same bitter results.

The sadder part of it, they confined in me some statistics of their site (they did not grant me access to their members pages, as a security measure) and shared with me many details, and while many of their members are NOT victims of sexual abuse, the majority of them did have sexual abuse in some form in their childhood years.

While they didn’t want to disclose the number of members they have, they did tell me that approximately approve one out of every hundred-and-fifty applicants, which is less than one percent (0.75%)..

I am not going to judge, write or discuss any of their motives and the validity to their mission, but I will attempt to once again prove to you that every such group or everything bad in our community comes back to sexual abuse in one way or another. I have yet to meet a person in the community that has a bitter and confused  life due to the fact that his parents were poor, rich, strict, or any kind of behavior issue, but I have rarely met a person that was abused in their childhood that does not have a issue in marriage, mental problems, gambling, drug addictions or any other form of aggression and hostility.

If a smoker of twenty years decides to stop smoking, doctors will tell you that after five years his lungs have a great chance of being 80% back to previous levels, however not by sexual abuse.  The fact of the matter is that nothing in life has such a long term effect as sexual abuse. It is just a fact that can’t be denied. There have been people that were able to move on and cope with it, but its very few and far and even those that did “make” it, will often have different symptoms that hurts them in other ways.

I know an individual that has panic attacks as a result of sexual abuse. He leads a nice life (at least on the outside), has a loving family, but constantly has illusions and panic attacks and he does not know why? His job is great, his family is great, and his surrounding is great. It took him years of therapy and intense rehabilitation to find the cause of the problem and only then he was able to learn how to cope with it and manage this problem.

One would think that after all these research and findings; this would become priority number one. One would think that after so much hurt we’ve seen due to abuse, people would line up to fight this plague. One would think that in our generation and in 2011 we would be smarter than that and somehow find a way to openly discuss this issues and make a stop to it. But still every day, the public dismisses it, downplays it and ignores it. Why? Why is the biggest problem in the community ignored? Why is the proven number-one killer in a person’s life dismissed? Why is every community in the globe educating their kids and we refuse to do so? Why are we THE ONLY COOMUNITY IN THE UNIVERSE still trying to whitewash this terrible problem?

I will say it one more time! It’s the gutless rabbis that are controlling the damage-control. The same rabbis that put Rabbi Nuchem in Cheirem and hoped to quiet him down and to shut him up, the same rabbis that don’t have the guts to openely discuss this issue, the same rabbis that get sold for money – Are the same rabbis that deserve the blame and they have Jewish blood on their hands!

Keep ignoring it and keep whitewashing it and keep convincing yourself that Rabbi Nuchem is hallucinating and when you see in twenty years from now that half of our generation is gone and the other half are not mentally and physically all right, perhaps then you will wake up and smell the coffee.

It will be too late then – It’s almost too late now…….


  1. ר' נחום איז זענט עתיד ליתן את הדין פאר מפרסם זיין דעם טריפה'נעם בלאג וואס רופט פאר פריקת עול, ס'איז נישטא קיין שום בארעכטוגונג בעולם אויף דעם, דאס גייט אריין בגדר מסית ומדיח, און די ביזט עתיד ליתן את הדין אויף יעדן נפש מישראל וואס קומט אהן אהין צוליב דיין אינפארמאציע, דער ציעל - מעג עס זיין ווי כשר אימער, קען בשו"א נישט כשר'ן דעם טריפה'נעם מיטל, זעט אויס אז דער שטן פארגינט דיר נישט דיינע אויפטוהען, און וויל דיך מכשיל זיין מיטן ערגסטן, חכמים הזהרו בדבריכם ויישר כוחך.

  2. Once again you assume that i am Rabbi Nuchem, which i am not but either way i publish your opinion as i give equal rights for everyone here.

    As far as my decision to publicize it is very simple. I am here to prove how far the sexual abuse plague goes and the long term effects of it.

    Why are you not as outraged on the plague itself then you are for this site. In no way, shape or form am I condemning, recommending or approving the site and its contents, but if you would get so upset on the molestation itself, it would never have gotten to that point.

    I like to see the outrage that you are showing, I am just disappointed that there aren’t more like you and there aren’t even more that will point the outrage to its roots and that’s sexual molestation and abuse.

    As much as I doubted myself for putting up their web address, I feel even better now, that I did it. It reconfirms my thoughts that everything needs to be done to get the attention to this sexual abuse problem.

    I would love to see this strong outrage from you and many other people on sexual molestation which is the root of the problem and it’s about time you notice it.

  3. ר' נחום, כ'האב פארשטאנען אז די וועסט נישט ארויפלייגן מיין צווייטן בריוו, ווייל ס'איז דברים של טעם, גיט דאס איז ר
    דיין ברירה, אבער וויסן זאלסטו, אז דאס וואס די שרייבסט, אז יעדע זאך וואס ברנעגט עטענשאן צו די פראבלעם פון טשיילד מאלעסטינג איז באכעכטיגט, הייסט דאך אז בכדי ארויסצוברענגען דיין גערעכטיגקייט מעגסטו לייגן אין א סכנה רחנית אדנעדע קינדער, ווער ביזסטו דן צו זיין דיני נפשות, די ווייסט נישט פונעם כלל אז אין דוחין נפש מפנינפש, טראכט גיט אריין אפשר ביזטו פארבלענדעט פון דיין נגיעה, ארויסצוברענגען דיין גערעטיקייט, ס'איז א שרעק ווי ווייט די יצה"ר קען איינעם פארבלענדן, אז ס'פאלט דיר אפילו נישט איין אז אפשר איז יענער גערעכט אין שב ואל תעשה עדיף בארעכן זיך, דא רעדט נישט קיין שונא, נאר איינער וואס פארשטייט דיין אגענדע, איך טענה'ע נאר אז דער מיטל איז אסור בתכלית, אדברה אז די ביזט אזוי זיכער אז די ביזט גערעכט, דאמלאטס פארוואס לייגסטו נישט ארויף דעם בריוו אויפן בלאג, האסט מורא אז איינער וועט מיר גערעכט געבן?,

  4. I am still NOT Rabbi Nuchem, but its neither here or there.
    When you are referring to the “2nd letter” I am assuming you are pointing to the one I just posted, because those are the only two comments I received.
    I am always open for a healthy back and forth discussion with anyone and I am more than happy to post your point of view. I am also sure there are plenty of people that don’t agree with me (including every single rabbi in this community).
    I will disagree with you once again and I believe that every human in our community knows exactly all the different groups that exists that have a problem with yiddishkeit and similar issues. And with one Google search you can find them all. So I don’t believe that my readers are that naïve to need me to find a place to give up yiddishkeit. But at the same time I hear your point but respectfully disagree with it.

  5. ר' נחום, זעט אויס אז מיין צווייטער בריוו איז פארלוירן געגאנגען, די שרייבסט מיט א זיכערקייט, אז וויבאלד אז יעדער איינער קען אויפזיכן יענעם טריפה'נעם סייט מיט א סערטש אין גוגעל, ממילא ביזטו שוין נישט קיין מכשיל מיטן מפרסם זיין דעם סייט, ר' נחום די ביזט טאקע זייער א געלונגענער מענטש, אבער די ווייסט נאך נישט אלעס, די סברא איז דעת בעל הבית מובהק, עי' שו"ת מחנה חיים (תניינא, או"ח סי' א'), וואס ער פסקענט להלכה פונקט פארקערט פון דעם וואס די טענה'סט,זיי זיך מתבונן אז מוזט נישט אלעמאל גערעכט בלייבן די מעג'סט אמאל זיין א מודה על האמת אויך

  6. There is a saying in English, and it goes something like this: Practice what you preach!

    You have not given up calling me Rabbi Nuchem (Which by the way I feel as an honor to be called him, as I believe that all the Rabbis together are not worth half of his little pinky) even though I told you three times I am not him. So don’t preach to me about “I should say I am not right”!

    Now to the point! It was a decision I made and I am comfortable with. You might disagree with me, but I still respect your opinion and if only the Rabbis could learn to put their ego on the side and appreciate that some other Rabbi have a different opinion, this would be a better world to live in.

    So I will agree to disagree.

  7. And by the way,

    Feel free to send me that second letter you wanted to send and i will gladly post it.... it's all about giving everyone a voice.

    Unlike the Rabbis i dont put you in cheirem because i disagree with you

  8. ר' פלוני, נאכדעם וואס איך זעה אז די קענסט זיך פשוט נישט וויסענדיג מאכן פון א בפירוש'ע פסק דין וואס כ'האב דיר אנגעצייכענט מיט א פונקטליכן מראה מקום, אין די האסט נישט קיין שום פראבלעם צו שרייבן אז די האלטס דיך ביי דאס דייניגע, האט שוין נישט קיין שום זין דיר צו שיקן דעם צווייטן בריוו, ווייל מיט א מענטש וואס האט די חוצפה צו שרייבן "איי עגרי טא דיסעגרי" אויף א פס"ד פונעם גאון וצידק דער הייליגער מחנה חיים זצ"ל, מיט אזא איינעם איז נישטא וואס צו רעדן, און מ'טאר אפשר אויך נישט, אנטשולדיגט אז איך האב אנגעהויבן מיט אייך, כ'האב אייך איבערגעשאצט

  9. Hello. Can I just say that I am disgusted by this news on the little innocent boy.
    I also want to touch on that topic about the men who were molested as boys. Well perhaps it is because as young boys they are taught to only pray, and to not date. Well I'm obviously not aware of what they actually do. Moreover, as these men grow older they are less focused on women and tend to see these innocent incapable of speaking, innocent boys and begin to... you know..
    Also as these boys who were molested grow, they tend to also molest other children in the future. Another interesting thought is, why do children who were molested turn into les and gays? Mmmmm...
    Anyways. You can count on me to make awareness on child molestation. Because I was a victim myself. Although I am a female, and I have a problem having sex with my bf.
    One more thing. Can you plz translate what that other guy wrote. That would be great. Thank you.
    Sam from L.A, CA

  10. Hello Sam,

    Thanks for your comment, kindly write me at where i will be able to have a dialog with you and perhaps take advantage of your writing talant to help us with our work.

    thank you